Thursday, March 1, 2012

Hitting Bottom- A Story Of Hope And Recovery

Last year, I was living with a friend in Indiana, as I continued to be broke and homeless.

I met this friend I stayed with in Indiana online, and he asked me to move up there with him, which I did in April, with a girl I met while living in Atlanta, who is homeless herself.

There is not much to do in rural Indiana, so I went to the library a lot, and wrote.

In July of last year, while living with this friend, I got a bunch of money, due to my father dying, and leaving me a life insurance policy for me, and it was over 11 thousand dollars.

To a homeless person, as I have been for over two years now, money like what I received is like a million dollars, at least. So, I bought a beat up truck that month, and drove back home to Missouri, after giving some money to my friends I stayed with in Indiana.

I had stayed with my friend in Indiana for three months, and helped him on his farm. I was ready to leave, and now was able to do so, with all this money I now had.

My life got crushed back home in Missouri. I had to move back there, to try and mend incredible damage done, due to the actions of my ex wife, combined with my own drug addiction, at the time my life was liquified, in the summer of 2009.

I went to drug rehab, soon after this happened to me in 2009, and I remain clean to this day.

Once I arrived back home, I sent a message to members of my own family, and family members of my ex wife, expressing my desire to mend relationships with those I love the most in life.

My own family members helped my ex wife destroy me after she initiated her attack on me, by the way.

I was never close with my family members due in part to child abuse I experienced, by certain family members, that was quite bad, and lasted for many years. I did forgive these family members, for helping my ex wife rid me of all assets I had, but they still choose not to speak with me, or help me in any way.

The next day, after sending this message to those I've cared about the most in life, they had me followed somehow, I believe, and I was arrested at a library, for an outstanding warrant, for violating probation in 2009. In 2009, I violated a restraining order issued against me by my ex wife, upon recommendation by a girl friend of hers, I believe, and was thrown in jail then, for the first time in my life.

I violated the restraining order by getting a pair of dress shoes from the back of my SUV, that my wife was now driving. She was not near the vehicle, yet this still violated the restraining order against me.

Most if not all men who are issued a restraining order violate it, due to the nature of the order. Usually, such orders issued against men are false and unnecessary, as was the case with me.

So, I'm arrested at this library. Had I not had the 2000 dollar cash only bond money on me at the time of this arrest, I would have gone to jail then. I defended myself in court the next month for this, and finally met the female prosecutor who had been trying to destroy me with my ex wife for two years.

The prosecutor immediately realized I'm not the man my ex wife illustrated me to be to her, and this prosecutor actually ended up defending me in court that day- getting me out of a mandatory jail sentence.

So, I spent the next few months living at the salvation army in St. Louis, with other homeless veterans, trying to recover from the pain of so many others ignoring me, and hating me.

These are people I cared about for a period spanning three decades. They passionately hate me now due to lies by my ex wife, and likely others.

They also hate me due to telling the truth about my ex wife, sharing this truth with many others.

My 13 year old daughter also hates me completely now, due to the lies of her mother, and others. I raised my daughter almost completely alone, for most of her childhood. Her mother never wanted to spend any time with her own daughter, which also pains me.

At least once a week for over two years, after her mother did this to me, I had wrote my daughter a letter, and mailed that to her with a card. Rarely did she ever respond to these letters I wrote her.

I mailed these letters to her to my ex in law's house, since I no longer know where my own daughter lives. So she received the letters I wrote to her, during this time. These letters I wrote to her were very warm and loving, and never mentioned her mother, or what happened to me, due to her mother.

So, I still had some money left over from my dad's life insurance policy, so every afternoon while staying at the salvation army in St. Louis, I would go to a nice restaurant, near where I was staying, and eat some good food, while reading a book in a relaxing atmosphere, speaking with attractive waitresses.

This was better therapy than anything the VA or any other could have offered me, as far as mental and emotional recovery goes. I got to feel civilized again, and I got to gather my thoughts, at these restaurants.

When you are homeless, and staying at a homeless shelter, living conditions suck. The people are understandably unhappy, if not angry, at such homeless shelters. Being around relatively happy people at these restaurants, and interacting with them, mended me greatly, I feel.

Due to relaxing at these restaurants, I was able to form a fantastic relationship with a girl I met online, during this time I was relaxing, at these places, due to my emotional and mental states recovering, finally.

This new and final love of my life actually drove a few hundred miles to finally meet me last fall. We had a weekend together that was unbelievably enjoyable, in St. Louis.

She is my fiancee now, this girl I met online.

At my visits to these restaurants, I would often hand write my fiancee a nice long letter, and mail it to her, with a card.

Because I have no one left back home in Missouri now, I recently moved to near where my fiancee lives, so I could continue to care for her. She lives with her mother, and she also had her life completely wrecked recently, my fiancee.

So I once again am staying with homeless veterans, near where she lives. Neither one of us has much if any money right now. Yet we still manage to see each other on weekends. When we do see each other, we spend our time together talking and laughing, for hours.

Both of us need each other in our lives, quite clearly. We both need and deserve the happiness we both now experience. It is my hope to get back on my feet soon, so I can care for my fiancee better than I can now.

The powers that brought us together, I hope, will also give me the ability to stabilize myself, so I can continue to love and care for my fiancee.

(More to follow, on how this relationship with my fiancee came to be...........)

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